Suggestions for Coaches and Dads. . .

Most laboring women today plan to have someone with them during labor. The majority of Delivery suites have very flexible visitation policies and allow two or three, if not multiple visitors throughout labor and even delivery. You may want to phone the institution where you will be delivering to ask about their specific policies so you can plan in advance who will be with you for delivery.

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Especially if delivering in a hospital, we may have to undress and wear a hospital gown, we may be in a bed with side-rails raised, or attached to a fetal monitor for all or part of labor. All of this can contribute to a feeling of powerless for the laboring woman. Throughout the process of labor and delivery, the presence of people that you love and care for can be a source of comfort and support to you, increasing your sense of security and well-being. The presence of your family and friends can give you a sense of comfort that nothing else can offer.


WHO MAKES A GOOD SUPPORT PERSON?

You support persons need to be someone willing to sacrifice their experience for yours. Their most important function will be to give you their full attention in a loving and supportive manner. Depending upon your choices for labor, this may require a lot of your support persons, or very little.

It will be important for you to decide beforehand who will be your primary support person and who will be secondary in those roles. Many women choose to have their partner as their primary support person, but a mother, sister or friend can be a support person as well. Anyone whom you feel comfortable with and feel comfortable with seeing you uncovered and exposed would be a good candidate. The person also needs to be willing to serve in the job. If they feel hesitant or squeamish, they will not likely make a good support person for you during the "real thing". Some women prefer to enlist the services of a doula, a person contracted by you for the purpose of labor and postpartum support. You can expect to pay between $300 and $1,000 for this service, depending upon your location, with the average being around $500 for an experienced, certified doula.

WHAT DOES A SUPPORT PERSON NEED TO KNOW?

To support a laboring woman as well as possible, your support persons should have knowledge of relaxation and breathing techniques, especially if you plan to labor without the assistance of an epidural. They should have an awareness of your state of relaxation and tension and how to use touch, massage, sound and words to help you to attain relaxation during labor.

TIPS FOR SUPPORT PERSONS:

Be prepared. Read all the literature you can. Be familiar with the breathing and relaxation

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techniques she plans to use. Find out prior to labor which massage techniques she prefers. Bring music she likes and even room sprays with her favorite scent can be a nice touch. Hot rice packs (most units have a microwave where they can be heated) or cold packs can offer relief from back labor.

Be comfortable. Supporting the laboring woman can be a long and tiring job, especially if she has chosen to go without medication. Make sure you are wearing comfortable clothing and shoes. Take meal breaks when appropriate. Take a break every now and then to go outside and get some fresh air. It will refresh you and give your support efforts new energy. Be comfortable with what you know and don't know. No one in Labor and Delivery will expect you to be an expert in obstetrics. If you have a question, please ask. Health care providers are there to be a resource to you as well.

Bring a sweater. Labor and Delivery units are often cold. The laboring mothers tend to be very hot and the thermostats are set to make them as comfortable as possible, so the rooms can feel very cool to those not pregnant!

Be thoughtful. Update your family and friends often. They may not call or visit as often as they would like, but you can be sure they want every update you give them. If the laboring woman is in pain, she may not feel like visitors, but for those waiting in another room, even an hour or two without news can seem like ages.

Be aware of her needs. Her needs and her desires will change through the different stages of labor. Try to anticipate what she will need. Watch her carefully. . .is she licking her lips? Perhaps she needs some lip balm. Is she rubbing her back? Maybe she needs to change position, or have a back massage, or both. As the process of labor continues, her cognitive process will make it so that she may not even ask for what she needs, or she may know she is uncomfortable, but not be able to figure out why, so suggest comfort measures based on what you observe.

Be communicative. Before labor there will be many decisions to be made and many thoughts and desires to discuss. Do you want your baby boy circumcised? Do you want your delivery videotaped? Who would do the video? (Videography of the delivery is not allowed in many delivery suites) Will you breast or bottle feed? How will the baby affect your finances? Will you have an epidural? What will be your approach to parenting?

These valid issues and many more will affect you both and your baby. As you begin to meet the challenges ahead you need to discuss your thoughts and fears, your preferences and desires, before you are confronted with a choice or a situation that needs resolution. Working on these communication skills now during pregnancy will lay the groundwork for the communication and cooperation that is needed for successful parenting.